Tag Archives: kids say funny things

Goofy Monday: butt pockets and udders

Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a Goofy Monday edition, and it’s not for lack of materials. I hope you enjoy this selection as much as I did when I heard it the first time.

What color is your underwear?
If you want to know what color my panties are, just follow me when I take my kids to a public restroom. You may hear this in the stall next to yours.
Son #2: “Hey, you’re wearing pink underwear!”
My kids ask me for privacy all the time, but they sure know how to invade mine. :-)

Old Navy sweetheart jeans

Old Navy sweetheart jeans

Butt pockets
Son #2: “Look, you have pockets on your butt cheeks!” (putting his hands on my jeans back pockets).
I bet some people would like to have pockets right there, so they can easily insert those butt implants.

What do mammals have in common?
Me: “Good morning. What do you want to eat for breakfast?”
Son #2: “Mama, I can see your udders!” (lifting my PJ shirt)
Wow, that will teach me to talk about mammals and breastfeeding with my kids.

It’s Pride Parade at our house!
Son #2: “Woohoo, I just came out of the closet!”
That’s what my kid said as he burst out of the closet all naked and started running around the living room. I swear I didn’t take him to see the San Diego Pride parade a few weeks ago! And believe it or not, he really, really likes girls. But that’s for another Goofy Monday.

Kids Say the Darndest Things – Spring 2011 edition

Almost a year ago, I shared some funny / wacky things my kids have said, so I thought it’d be fun to add funny quotes, now that my sons have matured a little, verbally and mentally. Adults tend to work hard at being funny while kids manage to entertain us every day, on purpose or not. As they become more adept with the language, they even start using play on words and create new expressions. Other times they just manage to say things we can’t help but laugh at.

Truly Nolan yellow mouse car Here are a few of my “Kids say the darndest things” favorites from the past few months:

“Look at that yellow car on the tow truck. If it was a mouse car, there would be a dead mouse on the side of the road!”
My oldest came up with this joke yesterday as we were driving by a broken-down yellow car. He loves the Truly Nolan yellow cars and calls them mouse cars. I love his on-the-spot joke creation – he’s becoming quite a funny guy.

“Wait for it…”
My youngest is three years old and I have no idea where he got this line from but he uses it at least once a week. I swear we don’t let him watch Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother”. He’s still working on the punchlines he should deliver after the “wait for it”, which may be the funniest part of it all. It’s like waiting for Godot…

“It’s not bubble gum, it’s double gum.”
My oldest is almost five years old and has fun inventing new expressions. His “double gum” creation involves putting two pieces of gum in your mouth, but of different kinds, for a sensational burst of flavors. I’ve tried his concoction and the kid is right, it tastes great!

“How did the Easter Bunny know that I love spacemen?”
That’s what my oldest wondered when the Easter Bunny brought him an assortment of plastic space toys. My answer to him? Just like Santa, the Easter Bunny sees and knows everything about you. I’m not sure if I freaked him out or just confused him…

“How did you get out of the fence?”
Remember how in the TV series “Home Improvement”, Tim Allen only talked to his neighbor Wilson through the fence? Well, that’s how my kids communicate with our neighbor’s son most of the time. So my three year old was apparently shocked to catch our little neighbor “out of the fence” and in front of his house last week. We’re still laughing about this one.

“When I grow up, I want to be a policeman so I can give tickets.”
Right out of my oldest son’s mouth – he makes me so proud!

Son #1: “When I grow up, I want to work at Panda Express so I can be the man making fire.” Son #2: “I want to make fire too.” Son #1: “No, you’ll be THAT guy.” (pointing at the poor guy working the register)
Are they really fighting over who’ll be cooking in the Panda Express kitchen?

“…107, 108, 109, a million!”
Wow, so all I need is $109 and add one more dollar to be … a millionaire! I’m still impressed my oldest can count on his own to 109. I just need to rectify his course a little.

“It’s not called Fresh & Easy. It’s Fresh & Zizi.”
Only 3 years old and my youngest is already playing with words. For those of you who don’t know French, “zizi” (pronounced zee-zee) is what French kids call their “willy”. I’ll leave it at that…

“When Boris dies, I want to get kittens at Petsmart because they’re sooooo cute.”
My oldest knows we won’t get more cats until our current cat passes away (his buddy died earlier this year). Should I be worried about Boris’s well being?

“Get away, I’m still tired. And close the door!”
That’s how my youngest welcomed me when I tried to wake him up from his nap a few weeks ago. I have a feeling he’s going to be an interesting teenager…

“Mama, I’m going to marry you!”
My oldest whispers this in my ear at least once a week. For more on this interesting development phase, read my post “Mama, I’m going to marry you!”

“Just wait, it’s barfering!”
Barfering, buffering – yeah, I guess you could use either term when you stare at on your computer screen, waiting for streaming video to get going.

“It says, Be nice and no biting!”
What my youngest announced the fortune paper in his fortune cookie read. The kid knows what’s good for him!

Do you kids say funny things that you dare to share?

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