My kids say the darndest things – the January 2013 edition

I’m skipping my WWW Wednesdays update because I’m still reading Killing Floor by Lee Child (it’s very good by the way). Instead I’ve got something I think you’ll enjoy very much.

My kids have been saying some pretty funny things recently and I’ve tried to write them down so I wouldn’t forget. Unfortunately I missed a few but I still have a good list to share. I love to witness first-hand how their little brains work, and what their thought process is.

Warning: this post is rated R for some crude language. I could have bleeped it, but I don’t think you would get the full effect that way. It’s much funnier with the dirty words. :-)

Reminder: Son#1 is 6 and a half years old at this time. Son #2 is almost 5.

New year's resolutionsA child’s new year resolutions
Son #1: “Our writing at school today was about our new year’s resolutions.”
Me: “Oh, yeah? What did you write about?”
Son #2: “I wrote I want to eat healthy foods, exercise, and not smoke.”
Phew, I’m glad to hear, especially about the smoking part!

The way to a mom’s heart is through her son’s stomach
Son #2: “My favorite part of the day is when I bake with you, Mama.”
Me: “How nice! I love baking with you too.”
Son #2: “Can we bake some chocolate chip cookies now?” (big grin)
Argh, I was tricked by a four-year old!

A grandmother’s age
Son #2: “Mami* is 100 years old.” (*my mom)
Me: “Really? How do you know that?”
Son #2: “Because all grandmothers are 100 years old. And then they die. Because nobody lives older than 100.”
I guess grandmothers get to stay 100 years old for a long time…

Know your superheroes
Son #1: “Mama, what’s Dr Seuss’s real name again?”
Me: ” Er, let me think about it, it’s on the tip of my tongue.”
Son #2: “Bruce Wayne!”
Yep! Batman, Dr Seuss, they’re both superheroes from a child’s point of view.

Know your animals #1
Son #2: “Do you know a wild asshole is an animal?”
Me: “Um, it’s called a wild ass.”
Son #1: “No, Mama, it’s called a wild asshole!”
These are the times when I know to give up trying to educate my kid, and just walk away.

Macaroni penguinKnow your animals #2
Son #2: “Look Mama, it’s a… a…” (pointing at the photo of an animal)
Me: “A penguin?”
Son #2: “What’s that called again? A mac and cheese penguin?”
Oh, so close! By the way, he did recall it was a macaroni penguin later. He knows more animal names than I do.

The letter F
My four-year old studies a new letter every week at school and the teacher asks kids to give her words starting with that letter every day. The letter F was coming up the following week so we wanted to brainstorm and find some words.
Me: “What words starting with F do you know?”
Son #2: “Fucking.”
Me: “No, you don’t say that word at school.”
Son #2: “How about fuck?”
Breathe…

Sounds like…
Son #1: “Can we do a conquest?”
Me: “Sure, what are we conquering?”
Son #1: “Mama, I meant contest!”
Why not go along? It sounded like fun. :-)

When I grow up
Son #2: “Mama, what do you want to me when you grow up?”
Me: “I’m already grown up.”
Son #2: “Oh… What do you want to be when you’re already grown up?”
You can read more about our “When I grow up” conversations here.

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25 responses to “My kids say the darndest things – the January 2013 edition

  1. so funny!

  2. In a department store, my daughter (age 5 or so) said, “Can we go on the alligator Mom?” It took me the longest time to figure out she meant “escalator.” Well, it does look a bit like an alligator, I guess.

    Your kids are adorable. Can I make cookies with you too?

    • Haha, my youngest still says “alligator” instead of “elevator”. He’s said it for the longest time, and it’s almost always “I want to go in the alligator”… I should have put that one on the list!

      And yes, you’re welcome to come over and make cookies with us. We just made chocolate chip cookies and lemon loaf yesterday but they’re disappearing fast. Hum… (mouth full)…

  3. Out of the mouths of babes…

    These are great. It’s hard to keep a straight face when they’re young and a cuss word comes out, but of course, as parents we try to. My kids didn’t really say many swear words–I guess we didn’t say any around them for them to pick up–but when my youngest was about 8, we were in a restaurant, and though I can’t remember the subject, he called someone a p*ssy. We were shocked because we never use this word, but he heard it on TV. Of course, we laughed, but then he felt bad when I explained to him that it’s not really appropriate for an 8 year old to say. :)

    • Oh, that’s why I hate TV and we only watch videos, hopelessly without these words. Once my kids watched the Berenstain Bears and Sister Bear watched a PG-13 movie where they used the word “furball” and she started using it on other bears. That didn’t fly with her parents and they had a good talk. My kids have heard plenty of swears from me (I’m French, what can I say?) but besides the F and the S word, I don’t use derogative words, so hopefully they won’t pick them up from other places for a while…

      • I still don’t know which TV show he heard it from–we don’t have any special channels like HBO or Showtime. Maybe at a friend’s. Who knows, but he hasn’t said it since. At least not in front of me. ;)

      • When my friend’s son was about 6, he called her the B word once. Apparently he learned that one at school… Honestly, I’d rather have my kids hear the swears from me and understand exactly what they mean and why they’re inappropriate in public, instead of hearing them from someone else.

  4. Hahaha thanks for the laugh! Gotta love it
    When Caleb was really into Thomas the Train he used to refer to Percy the train and it would sound like “pussy” LMAO! How can you not laugh?

  5. Thanks, Milka! I liked the F-word one the best . . . and the one where you got tricked into baking chocolate chip cookies. :D

    • The whole week the F word was on, every time I picked up my son I was worried the teacher would tell me he dropped the F bomb when they volunteered new words that started with F. He never did. Obviously, he kept it all for home! :-)

  6. Funny! It’s hard to remember these things, do I glad I have a ‘notes’ feature on my phone now.

  7. I will never look at those mac and cheese penguins the same again. And what did you answer your son when he asked what you want to be when you are already grown up?

  8. Priceless! Love that Expectation v Reality kitty cartoon – so funny! Alison

    • Isn’t that cartoon the truth? My kids say hilarious things almost every day. Unfortunately I tend to forget writing them down. Just this morning my youngest exclaimed that I “took his arm off” when he meant to say I took his sleeve off. Ouch!

      • Aw bless! Yes – the things that go unrecorded everyday would be such a hoot when compiled into a book or something – as we know – kids really do say the funniest things as they explore and make sense of the world- Alison :))

      • One of my big projects is to draw illustrations for these funny moments, where a picture is worth a thousand words to describe the situation. Motherhood offers me a lot of opportunities to laugh, that’s for sure.

      • Now that is an Expectation I would like to see – cartooning is such a brilliant way of expressing moments…:)

  9. Awesome post, Milka! Thanks for sharing these. When my son was in first grade, they were doing the ‘it’ family…Peter raised his hand wildly to contribute his word…SHIT! I know this because the teacher called to let me know..:)

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