Mama, I’m going to marry you!

For those of us who studied Freud’s Oedipus complex in a far distant psychology class, the coming of this developmental phase may make you cringe or worry as a mother. Will my son really want to kill his own father so that he can marry me and possess me? Fortunately, as with most of Freud’s theories, the Oedipus phase was blown way out of proportion. Parents of the world, you can relax!

For the past few months my oldest son, who’s now four and a half, has often mentioned that he wants to marry me. He seems to understand that I can’t be married to two people at once (at least that’s what we’re teaching him!) so he’s requested that I not be married to his dad anymore. Very cute. And very harmless. Last Thanksgiving we found out that he “married” one of his girl classmates, but now he’s apparently ready for someone a little more mature. Alright, a LOT more mature. And he doesn’t seem to take no for an answer.

Together we recently read a very cute book called “Mad at Mommy” by Komako Sakai, and the illustrations below are a lovely interpretation of the phase every four-year-old-something boy goes through.

"Mad at Mommy" by Komako Sakai

"Mad at Mommy" by Komako Sakai

Mad at mommy - you won't marry me

Mad at mommy - you won't marry me

 We tend to say no to our kids so many times a day, it has to be depressing for them. When it comes to the subject of marriage, I always let him down easy. I explain he just can’t marry me and that he’s too young to get married anyway. I remind him how much growing and learning he still has to do, until he’s old enough to marry someone closer to his own age. It doesn’t stop him from stating he wants to marry me on a weekly basis, and I actually admire his determination.

As for his need for physical affection, that’s the part I like best about being a parent. Physical affection is such a crucial part of a child’s development, so I make sure my son gets his daily dose of hugs and kisses. He’s also getting to be more affectionate with his younger brother, hugging him out of the blue, and holding his hand or putting his arm around his shoulder as they’re walking out and about. I get to witness best friends in the making.

As for his dad, he’s still alive and unhurt (except for the occasional kick in the groin). My son loves to do boy things with him, and I know his dad will get to play a bigger role as he grows up. As his mother, I’m not looking forward to the end of this phase, because I know what’s coming next. The day when I’ll take him to school and he’ll politely ask me not hug and kiss him in public. It’s hard being a mom.

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23 responses to “Mama, I’m going to marry you!

  1. Lovely thoughts, solid perspective and wonderful insights that everyone can relate to. Thanks for writing. . .

  2. Having 2 daughters, I’m not looking forward to the day they go, “EWWWW!” when I ask for a hug and a kiss. Better get them in while I can.

  3. Very cute!

    My 4yo daughter switches between marrying her elder brother (10) and her friend at Kindergarten. She’s had several rehearsal ceremonies already.

    She tells me her husband will be both a prince and a knight and will later save her from dragons. She’s quite definite and knowledgeable about it all. ;-)

    I suspect that this knowledge can be attributed to her 12yo sister who is obsessed with dragons, elves and fairies!

  4. Pingback: Perfecting motherhood

  5. This is a lovely stage. Much better than their teens, when they hate you :)

  6. I don’t remember my son wanting to marry me, but I remember saying I planned to marry my dad. When my mom said, ‘what about me?’ I thought it a silly question.

    My daughter was distressed to find that she could not marry her older brother or first cousin because she didn’t want to “marry a stranger.”

  7. My older boys says he wants to marry me when daddy dies. Perfectly normal.

  8. If your kids ask you to marry him… that’s sign that You are perfect Lady and Idol of Your kids…

  9. What an adorable post!

  10. That it actually adorable. My son too went on such a phase. It’s all about “mommy.” Now I get to share the limelight although I know he will always have a special “only mommy” place in his heart. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Can’t believe it’s the second week of December already. Too fast, too soon for me.

    • From what you write, I can see you have a pretty special relationship with your son. It’s great for him to have such a positive male role model to learn from. I wish my boys could have that too but for now, they’ll have to stick with me. Happy holidays to you and your family too!

  11. explain him politely cause there are chances that may be he will fall in love with u.

  12. Oh that was adorable! I’m glad to know I’m not alone though. my girls 3 yo asked me to get engaged to her when her mother and i did. it scaered me a little, though i just explained i was to old for her. after i explained that, she asked if id help her pick, a responsibility id gladly take

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