Monthly Archives: March 2011

Mama, I’m going to marry you!

For those of us who studied Freud’s Oedipus complex in a far distant psychology class, the coming of this developmental phase may make you cringe or worry as a mother. Will my son really want to kill his own father so that he can marry me and possess me? Fortunately, as with most of Freud’s theories, the Oedipus phase was blown way out of proportion. Parents of the world, you can relax!

For the past few months my oldest son, who’s now four and a half, has often mentioned that he wants to marry me. He seems to understand that I can’t be married to two people at once (at least that’s what we’re teaching him!) so he’s requested that I not be married to his dad anymore. Very cute. And very harmless. Last Thanksgiving we found out that he “married” one of his girl classmates, but now he’s apparently ready for someone a little more mature. Alright, a LOT more mature. And he doesn’t seem to take no for an answer.

Together we recently read a very cute book called “Mad at Mommy” by Komako Sakai, and the illustrations below are a lovely interpretation of the phase every four-year-old-something boy goes through.

"Mad at Mommy" by Komako Sakai

"Mad at Mommy" by Komako Sakai

Mad at mommy - you won't marry me

Mad at mommy - you won't marry me

 We tend to say no to our kids so many times a day, it has to be depressing for them. When it comes to the subject of marriage, I always let him down easy. I explain he just can’t marry me and that he’s too young to get married anyway. I remind him how much growing and learning he still has to do, until he’s old enough to marry someone closer to his own age. It doesn’t stop him from stating he wants to marry me on a weekly basis, and I actually admire his determination.

As for his need for physical affection, that’s the part I like best about being a parent. Physical affection is such a crucial part of a child’s development, so I make sure my son gets his daily dose of hugs and kisses. He’s also getting to be more affectionate with his younger brother, hugging him out of the blue, and holding his hand or putting his arm around his shoulder as they’re walking out and about. I get to witness best friends in the making.

As for his dad, he’s still alive and unhurt (except for the occasional kick in the groin). My son loves to do boy things with him, and I know his dad will get to play a bigger role as he grows up. As his mother, I’m not looking forward to the end of this phase, because I know what’s coming next. The day when I’ll take him to school and he’ll politely ask me not hug and kiss him in public. It’s hard being a mom.

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What does it take to be happy?

Sometimes it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed as parents. Actually it doesn’t take much to throw you off balance.  There’s so much going on with the kids, whether it’s their health (I spent half of last Saturday in the ER with my oldest, with more doctor’s appointments to come), their feelings, or their moods. Add to that trying to keep the house clean and running… Hey, who ate the rest of the veggies? Who forget to put toilet paper on the shopping list? And for many of us, trying to hold a job and keep a sane mind in front of our co-workers is the ultimate challenge. Oh, and let’s not forget trying to keep our husbands happy, or at least limit their crankiness…

To all moms and dads (and other adults) out there who could use a little pick-me-up on this Monday, I’d like to share the video below with you. Sometimes, it’s worth taking five minutes to stop and smell the roses. What does it take for us to be happy? Do we need to buy more stuff? Do we need to do things differently? Or maybe just see them differently? Would we benefit from a drastic change, or are even small ones beneficial?

I ran across a very interesting blog yesterday, I Am My Own Cause, written by a man named Charles Poole, who is currently redifining his life, day by day. He walked away from a very comfortable income and stable job, knowing there had to be something else for him in store, something better, something bigger. So many of us think the same but fear to make a change and take our own journey to discover our personal calling. I myself am going through this transition. I owe it to myself and to my kids to live a meaningful and passionate life. Some days are easier than others, but to me this video is the perfect spoonful of sugar that make the medecine go down. Enjoy and carpe diem!

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