Kids say the darndest things

The reason why there has been a TV show about this is because it’s all true. Kids do say the darndest things, and the funniest. Sometimes they make us laugh and others they simply baffle us. I’ll be updating this as time goes by. You’re welcome to submit your personal best kid statements!

“It says, Be nice and no biting!”
What my two-and-a-half-year-old son decided his fortune paper said out of a Chinese fortune cookie… The kid knows what’s good for him!

“Mummies are dead people wrapped up in toilet paper”
That’s what my four-year old believes about mummies. It doesn’t help that he gets those facts from Skippyjon Jones in mummy trouble!

“Where is my f&#%ing triceratops?”
Wow… and that’s coming out of a two year old’s mouth!!! I’m not sure I’m more proud that he can use the F expletive in a grammatically correct sentence, or that he can say triceratops… We’d better watch our language around the kids!

“Read Sophie Peter Pan, please!”
That’s what my two-and-a-half year old son calls Sophie in the book “Sophie Peterman tells the truth”. Ironically it does have a page about pirates in there, but no specific mention of Captain Hook!

“Can you show me how to get really married with Marisa, so we can have a baby?”
My oldest’s request regarding his unmarried situation with his schoolmate. What are they really teaching them in school?

“Stop Papa, you can’t read French!”
My two-year-old’s brutely honest observation when his dad tries to read him a book in French.

“You’ll  be able to do it when you’re four”
My four-year-old son’s advice to his little  brother when he can’t do something, like grabbing a blanket with his curled-up toes.

“It’s shaking the whole world!”
My four-year-old’s comment about the July 4, 2010 fireworks, as he watched them live for the first time in his life.

“It’s barfering!”
My two-year-old son making up his own word while waiting for YouTube videos to “buffer”. You can’t tell he’s had barfing thoughts on his mind recently…

“I want to go to Michael’s, get the white whale.”
OK, at first this doesn’t sound too amazing, but that’s what my two-year-old told me 30 seconds after I had EXACTLY the same thought in my head. We were driving to a store located in the same plaza as Michael’s  and I was remembering that my son had been checking out the beluga whale there. That was the thought on my mind right before I heard him say out loud what I had been thinking! Coincidence, or amazing ESP (extra-sensory perception)? You tell me!

“You don’t poop on the floor, you poop on the potty!”
What my two-year-old potty-trained son told his almost three-year-old playmate at daycare. The kid went on to poop on the potty instead of his diaper, for the first time in his life. Peer pressure in action!

“I saw two rhinos pooping on the floor!”
What my two-year-old son feels compelled to tell almost everyone he talks to since he did see that happen (straight shot) during our latest visit to San Diego’s Wild Animal Park. I still have visions of this when he mentions it, it was quite striking…

“Let’s go to Uncle Steve’s house, get a gun and shoot him!”
My son’s idea on how to get rid of the squirrel who comes in our backyard and munches on my sweet chard seedlings. We didn’t get a gun, didn’t kill the squirrel and there’s absolutely no trace of sweet chard left in my garden. I see my son’s point now.

“Beep the horn, Mama!”
That’s what my oldest son likes to say when he gets impatient with the traffic in front of us. He’s the second worst backseat driver I know, right behind… you guess it, his very own dad. You don’t believe me? He won’t just say, “beep the horn”, he’ll actually reach over and press on it!

“Did you like playdough when you were a little boy?”
My almost four-year old son saying this to me, his mom. He obviously suffers from gender misconceptions, or I need to grow my hair longer than shoulder length…

“My daddy’s here!”
What my two-year old says when I, his mom, pick him up at daycare every day. Alright, am I turning into a man??? For his defense, he calls us Mama and Papa, so maybe he doesn’t understand what Daddy is yet.

“Buzz Up Here!”
My two-year old trying to say “Buzz Lightyear”.

“You’re an a…hole, Papa!”
My two-year old likes to make his dad laugh every time he says that. After a dozen times in the past couple of weeks, dad is not laughing anymore…

“What are we doing today?”
What my oldest son says every weekend when he wakes up from his nap, thinking this is a brand new morning. The other day, he even commented as we were leaving home at 4:30pm that he hadn’t had his breakfast pancakes yet!

“More broccoli, papa!”
What an 18-month old tells you to make you feel so proud! Two years later, he still loves broccoli.

By the way, kids not only say but they also do the darndest things! Read my post on “How to entertain a child with trash cans and ducks” to find out more.

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7 responses to “Kids say the darndest things

  1. Too cute! Especially “Buzz Up Here!” Kids really do say the darnedest things. My daughter is at the point she repeats everything we say, so we have to be careful.

  2. My kid still calls me Daddy sometimes…shall I say he is 7?
    He created the word darnicules to replace darned and now I say darnicules at work and people look at me like I’m an alien…which I am ;-P

  3. Hello Imperfect Mom! Love the Kidisms :) Thought you might be interested in I put the site together after all of my friends started having children. I wanted a way for everyone to keep a record of all the great things their children have to say, and to be able to share them in a central place! Hope you enjoy!

    Happy Holidays.


  4. All are adorable, but “Be nice and no biting” should be a law!
    Thanks for this smiler.

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