I love you, Mama!

My early Mother’s Day card from art class

In honor of this upcoming Mother’s Day, I’d like to share a funny story about my personal journey through motherhood.

I love hugging, kissing and cuddling my kids throughout the day. And without prompting they often will do the same to me, even to each other. Watching these two brothers hugging will always be my favorite part! Every night before the kids go to sleep, I spend a few minutes in each bed, cuddling with them individually.

Here’s how things usually go with my four-year old when I’m about to leave his bed for the night. 

“Je t’aime beaucoup, beaucoup, beaucoup,” I’ll say.

If you don’t speak any French, this means I love you very, very, very much. 

To which my son will always (ALWAYS) respond, “I love you, caca liquide.” 

Again, if you don’t speak French you may need me to translate this one. Are you ready for it? It means, I love you, liquid poop. Lovely.

To his defense, you have to understand that over the years we’ve endured many bouts of digestive problems, stomach viruses and gross toilet stories. Diarrhea has been one of the many symptoms, but caca liquide is a lot easier to pronounce for a little one. And so it’s stuck with him as a “tender” term to call his own mother. It’s one of those jokes we’re both in on. Er, I think…

A couple of days ago though, the routine suddenly changed. Maybe my son was very tired and had already put his funny hat down for the night.

“Je t’aime beaucoup, beaucoup, beaucoup,” I told him.

“I love you, Mama,” he replied.

Say what? Oh my gosh, I love this kid! He finally admits he loves me, just me, no toilet jokes included. Ah, it felt so good.

So last night, I got myself ready for a repeat. I know, I do have high expectations for him, but it’s good to try to reach for the stars.

As I was leaving his bed, I whispered “Je t’aime beaucoup, beaucoup, beaucoup.”

That’s when I heard, “Je t’aime beaucoup, beaucoup, beaucoup, caca liquide.”

What can I say? The kid said it all in French! I’m a proud, beaming Mama…

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms around the world, whether you’re celebrating this weekend, or did earlier this week (year) or will do so later this month.

Oops, did I just hear the F word?

A few days ago my four-year old got in trouble at preschool for bossing the other kids around. The teacher was getting the classroom ready for an obstacle course and the kids were being pretty loud and rambunctious. So my son decided to take the matter in his own hands and tell his classmates to “shut up!”. I don’t know if he was effective but it didn’t go well with his teacher, who relayed the incident to me. He seems to be going through a “testing” stage right now and likes to assume his individuality and test boundaries, which can get on my nerves but I know he’ll eventually get over it.

I figured out the best thing to do would be to have him apologize to his teacher about telling the other kids to shut up. So we walked into the classroom the next morning while the teacher was alone and the other kids were standing outside. I asked my son what he had to say to his teacher.

“Sorry,” he said in a shy voice.

“Sorry for what?” I asked.

“Sorry for saying f&*^%ing.”

Oops, did I just hear the F word? Fortunately his teacher seems to have a good sense of humor because she couldn’t help but burst out laughing. As for me, I thought it was pretty f&*^%ing funny too! What can I say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… This one will definitely make it to my Kids Say the Darndest Things list.

A new meaning to Presidents’ Day

Last night, as I was cuddling with my three-year old in his bed before he went to sleep, I asked him what he’d like to do the next day. I reminded him it was Presidents’ Day and although it was a Monday, there’d be no school.

It took him a few seconds to respond and this is what came out of his mouth:

“Do we get presents on Presents’ Day?”

And just for that, I think he deserves a present because I couldn’t help laughing (in a good way) at his wonderful confusion. At least his birthday is coming up next weekend so he won’t have long to wait for his own Presents’ Day.

My kids still say the darndest things…

Mount Rushmore - Presidents' Day

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I want to get bigger so I can go on the Shamu swings

We started the three-day Memorial Day weekend by attending our town’s street fair on Saturday. This is the third year the town has held the event and it gets bigger and better every year. The fair takes place so close to our house, we put the kids in the double stroller and walked to it, enjoying the just-right sunny breezy weather.

While at the street fair we browsed a few hundreds of local vendor booths, went bankrupt buying rides for the kids, and enjoyed scrumptious artificially colored and flavored snow cones while listening to live bands. I actually don’t think you could find more shaved ice vendors anywhere else in the world than on this half-mile stretch! We managed to go through the whole Memorial Day weekend without eating anything off a BBQ grill but we couldn’t pass on the refreshing snow cones.

Carnival spinning swing ride

I walked around the fair with our oldest while my husband took our youngest to the kiddy rides he couldn’t wait to get on. When we got back together, my youngest spilled the beans. “Mama, I want to get bigger so I can go on the Shamu swings.” He was talking about a spinning swing ride decorated with dolphins and orcas. Apparently my daredevil barely-three-year-old son was dying to go on the ride, but since the swings were single-seated, he had to meet the height requirement. 42 inches, making my son about two inches too short. How disappointing. So his father told him he could go on the ride when he’s a little bigger.

That’s when it hit me. Wait, I’ve read this in a book before! Specifically Lauren Child’s Charlie and Lola: I Want to Be Much More Bigger Like You:

Lauren Child's Charlie and Lola: I want to be much more bigger like you

In this story Lola wants to go on the “Super Duper Loop-the-Looper” roller coaster ride but she’s been too small. So she tries a number of things to make herself grow bigger. Of course, the book ends with a funny twist so I won’t give the story away. Just like Lola, my youngest is suffering from “my body is too little but my mind thinks big” syndrome. Even his brother, who’s a year and a half older, was a little unsure of the spinning swing ride and skipped it. I hope they both feel big enough next year to try it out together.

On Sunday we had a funny encounter with the same swings, this time on the road. While we were driving around town, we saw a truck pulling the ride on a trailer and getting on the freeway. My youngest spotted it right away and exclaimed, “Why are they stealing the Shamu swings?” Haha, kids really do say the darndest things! (more darndest things here and here)

I hope you enjoyed a great long weekend, at least if you’re in the US. What’s the best thing about a three-day weekend? A four-day week right after it!

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Kids Say the Darndest Things – Spring 2011 edition

Almost a year ago, I shared some funny / wacky things my kids have said, so I thought it’d be fun to add funny quotes, now that my sons have matured a little, verbally and mentally. Adults tend to work hard at being funny while kids manage to entertain us every day, on purpose or not. As they become more adept with the language, they even start using play on words and create new expressions. Other times they just manage to say things we can’t help but laugh at.

Here are a few of my “Kids say the darndest things” favorites from the past few months:

“Look at that yellow car on the tow truck. If it was a mouse car, there would be a dead mouse on the side of the road!”
My oldest came up with this joke yesterday as we were driving by a broken-down yellow car. He loves the Truly Nolan yellow cars and calls them mouse cars. I love his on-the-spot joke creation – he’s becoming quite a funny guy.

“Wait for it…”
My youngest is three years old and I have no idea where he got this line from but he uses it at least once a week. I swear we don’t let him watch Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother”. He’s still working on the punchlines he should deliver after the “wait for it”, which may be the funniest part of it all. It’s like waiting for Godot…

“It’s not bubble gum, it’s double gum.”
My oldest is almost five years old and has fun inventing new expressions. His “double gum” creation involves putting two pieces of gum in your mouth, but of different kinds, for a sensational burst of flavors. I’ve tried his concoction and the kid is right, it tastes great!

“How did the Easter Bunny know that I love spacemen?”
That’s what my oldest wondered when the Easter Bunny brought him an assortment of plastic space toys. My answer to him? Just like Santa, the Easter Bunny sees and knows everything about you. I’m not sure if I freaked him out or just confused him…

“How did you get out of the fence?”
Remember how in the TV series “Home Improvement”, Tim Allen only talked to his neighbor Wilson through the fence? Well, that’s how my kids communicate with our neighbor’s son most of the time. So my three year old was apparently shocked to catch our little neighbor “out of the fence” and in front of his house last week. We’re still laughing about this one.

“When I grow up, I want to be a policeman so I can give tickets.”
Right out of my oldest son’s mouth – he makes me so proud!

Son #1: “When I grow up, I want to work at Panda Express so I can be the man making fire.” Son #2: “I want to make fire too.” Son #1: “No, you’ll be THAT guy.” (pointing at the poor guy working the register)
Are they really fighting over who’ll be cooking in the Panda Express kitchen?

“…107, 108, 109, a million!”
Wow, so all I need is $109 and add one more dollar to be … a millionaire! I’m still impressed my oldest can count on his own to 109. I just need to rectify his course a little.

“It’s not called Fresh & Easy. It’s Fresh & Zizi.”
Only 3 years old and my youngest is already playing with words. For those of you who don’t know French, “zizi” (pronounced zee-zee) is what French kids call their “willy”. I’ll leave it at that…

“When Boris dies, I want to get kittens at Petsmart because they’re sooooo cute.”
My oldest knows we won’t get more cats until our current cat passes away (his buddy died earlier this year). Should I be worried about Boris’s well being?

“Get away, I’m still tired. And close the door!”
That’s how my youngest welcomed me when I tried to wake him up from his nap a few weeks ago. I have a feeling he’s going to be an interesting teenager…

“Mama, I’m going to marry you!”
My oldest whispers this in my ear at least once a week. For more on this interesting development phase, read my post “Mama, I’m going to marry you!”

“Just wait, it’s barfering!”
Barfering, buffering – yeah, I guess you could use either term when you stare at on your computer screen, waiting for streaming video to get going.

“It says, Be nice and no biting!”
What my youngest announced the fortune paper in his fortune cookie read. The kid knows what’s good for him!

Do you kids say funny things that you dare to share?

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