Tag Archives: funny things kids say

Goofy Monday: true advertising

Every day, my kids are bombarded with advertising messages, whether it’s on the radio, TV or in writing form everywhere they go. And boy, do they notice! I have to admit my kids are smart. With a marketing professional as their mom, they can recognize the “smoke and mirrors” when they see them, and they’re often skeptical of the advertising messages they see and hear. But sometimes, they also realize that advertising can be true…

Long lasting flavor
Son #1: “Look at the gum box. It says “long lasting flavor.”
Me: “And?”
Son #1: “It’s actually true! I’ve been chewing on this gum forever and it still tastes like this. Wow, I can’t believe it.”

Trident gum - long lasting flavor

Trident gum – long lasting flavor

Overflowing shelves
Son #1 (during a trip at ToysRUs before Son #2’s birthday): “Look, mama, the shelves are overflowing with toys!”
Me: “That’s a good way to describe it.” (have you seen how many toys are in there???)
Son #1: “No, that’s what they say on the radio, and it’s TRUE!” pointing at all the toys)
I personally think ToysRUs is still trying to get rid of excess inventory left over after Christmas, but you can’t say anything bad about their accurate statement.

Now, this Goofy Monday edition isn’t all about advertising, true or false. It’s also about socks.

Those darn socks
One day, I watched Son #1 pulling his socks up repeatedly until I said this…
Me: “Stop pulling on your socks. You’re going to stretch them and ruin them.”
Son #1: “But they keep coming down, I don’t know why.”
Me: “Let me see.”
I took a look at his socks and realized the problem.
Me: “Oh, that’s because they’re MY socks. Sorry…”
Do you know how hard it is to sort white socks and figure out whose they are as you put them away?

What’s that black thing?
Son #2: “Mama, there’s a caterpillar on the floor!”
Me: “Where?”
Son #2: “In the closet. It’s a fuzzy caterpillar, so watch out.” (those are the poisonous ones that burn your skin if you touch them with bare hands)
Me (looking at the black thing on the closet floor): “Oh, I think it’s dead.”
Can you guess what the “caterpillar” was?

Black caterpillar fuzz

Black caterpillar fuzz

Love hurts
Son #2 (squeezing me very hard): “Mama, I love you so much, your eyes will pop out.”
Me (barely breathing): “I bet you’re right. You might even crack a few of my ribs.”
What can I say, those are the best hugs in the world!

Goofy Monday a la French, and some other unknown land…

Hey, look, it’s Monday! And I have a new Goofy Monday post for you. Don’t you feel lucky? Oh, is that Irish luck rubbing on you? Well, you’ll have to wait a week for that. Nope, it’s French luck. Check out the French connection in the first two conversations. My kids have French blood running through their veins and they know it!

The smell of freedom
Son #2 (getting out of the car at San Diego’s Balboa Park): “Aaaaahhh, smell that? It’s the smell of freedom.”
Son #1: “No it’s not. It smells like croissant.”
Incidentally there was a croissant in my bag, so I think Son #1 may have been correct. But I’ll give Son #2 an A for his figurative sense of smell.

What color is your rainbow?
Son #2 (drawing a rainbow): “Red first. Then orange…”
Me (looking at him drawing): “Isn’t the orange is supposed to go on top of the red, not below?”
Son #1: “Maybe in France it’s like that, but here the red is a the bottom of the rainbow.”
I’m so bad at drawing rainbows, I had to google the answer. And just so you know, French rainbows look the same as American rainbows. I obviously have no clue, but for my defense, I’d like to add that when you see a double rainbow, the lower rainbow displays the colors in reverse, since it’s a reflection of the other rainbow. Maybe that’s what I was thinking of…

The colors of the double rainbow

The colors of the double rainbow

What’s your Native American name?
Son #2: “In class, we’re picking Native American names. You have to pick a nature name and an animal name, and put them together. What do you want to be?”
Me: “Oh, I’d like to be something soft.”
Son #2: “How about… a porcupine?”
Me: “Uh, maybe something a little softer.”
Ouch, I wouldn’t want to cuddle with one of those. By the way, I ended up being Snow Bear.

You’re not welcome in my imaginary land
Son #2 is talking on a cell phone, pretending…
Me: “Who are you calling?”
Son #2: “I don’t have to tell you who I’m pretending to call.” (what can I say ? He’s practicing his teenage attitude…)
Son #2 continues to talk, and now I’m listening…
Son #2: “Hi, I’m calling from Metro Decor*. I’m trying to recover a dead sloth. I’m about to go on the bunny of terror.”
Wow, I know who to ask if I’m looking for storybook inspiration!
*Metro Decor is a furniture store that advertises on the radio.

Goofy Monday: Don’t drive like my brother!

Wow, it’s been a long time since I wrote a Goofy Monday post. I’ve been writing all these funny things my kids say on memos on my cell phone and I’m just going through the list right now to put this post together. You’ve got to love technology for helping you capture these thoughts right in the moment, when you don’t have a piece of paper handy and your memory has more holes than Swiss cheese.

LEGOLAND driving school

Goofy Monday: Legoland driving school - Copyright Lego

Goofy Monday: Legoland driving school – Copyright Lego

I recently took my kids to LEGOLAND California, and while we were waiting in line for the driving school attraction, we had plenty of time to look at the kids who were currently driving around. So many of them were running stop signs and red lights, driving on the wrong side of the road and crashing into other cars, that made waiting in line very entertaining. And then we reached the front of the line.

Me: “Are you guys ready to hit the road?”
Son #1: “Yes! Hey, everybody, don’t drive like my brother!”

I burst out laughing when I heard him say that! Can you guess we’re fans of NPR’s Car Talk radio show? We’ve obviously heard their signature goodbye line too many times. The funny thing is, I could easily picture my kids having their own radio show one day, and crack up jokes while they help people solve their mechanical or engineering problems. Or maybe, their Lego building problems…

Lego vs. Mega Bloks super heroes

Talking about Lego, one of its copycats competitors is Mega Bloks. And although we happen to have mostly Lego at our house, we also have a few Mega Bloks sets.

Son #1 (talking to the Mega Bloks character his brother is holding): “Come up here so we can ride together.”
Son #2: “I’m Mega Bloks. I don’t fit on Lego.”

Haha, sorry Mega Bloks, so much for taking down the Lego empire. Even 5 and 7-year olds know better than try to mix them up.

Love stinks
Son #2: “Mama, you look so beautiful tonight!”
Me: “Aw, thank you!”
Son #2: “Ew, you have stinky breath!!!”
Ah, the joys of motherhood…

Cracking nuts
Son #2 performs a stunt, jumping high and landing in a fake split position.
Me: “Are you OK?”
Son #2: “Argh, I think I cracked a nut ball.”

Life with boys is never boring. Ever. But I love every minute of it. What are some of your kids’ favorite lines?

Goofy Monday: understanding the human body

It’s been a while since I’ve written a Goofy Monday post and it’s more because I haven’t found the time than because of a lack of materials. Yep, never a dull moment at our house… Today I decided I would share a few funny things that my kids have said revolving around the human body.

brownie

brownie

Kids know when they’re full
Me: ” Do you want something else to eat for dinner?”
Son #2: “I’m full. If I eat any more food, I’m going to get fat.”
I can’t argue with that perfect logic.

The best way to lose weight
Son #2: “Can kids lose weight?”
Son #1: “Yes, by pooping.”
Again, I can’t argue with that perfect logic. I think my kids have figured out what it takes to gain and lose weight the easy way.

The diuretic effects of tea
Me: “I want to drink some tea before we leave home.”
Son #1: “Oh, that means you’re gonna have to go pee soon.”
I have nothing to say in my defense. The kid knows I have to find a bathroom everywhere we go.

Steven Tyler – The (wo)man in Epic
Son #1: “Mama, do you know Steven Tyler?”
Me: “Yes.”
Son #1: “She’s a really ugly woman.”
Me: “Really? You do know he’s a guy, right?”
Son #1: “Huh?”
I can’t blame my son for being confused about Steven Tyler. He drew his conclusion from watching this interview for the very funny animated movie Epic. I think my son is right. Man or woman, Tyler is quite an eyesore in this video. I’m not sure if the bright pink lipstick is supposed to help.